The Link Between Overwhelm and Self-Worth: Insights For LDS Women from an LDS Trauma Therapist in Atlanta
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you began to wonder if you were enough? Like no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to escape the heaviness of all the responsibilities you are carrying? You may look at others who seem to be carrying just as much and maybe even more than you are, but somehow they seem to be able to manage. You, on the other hand, can't seem to shake this feeling that you have somehow been strapped to a speeding bus and are now forced to run faster than you have the strength, just to keep up. The weight of everything makes you wonder how much longer you can manage to keep going like this.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have seen this as a common thread running through the lives of many women who are struggling with feeling overwhelmed by the constant demands of work, family, and serving in the church. I have not been immune to this in my own life. Overwhelm has a way of sneaking into our lives, quietly chipping away at our self-esteem. It tells us we’re failing when, in reality, we’re simply doing the best we can with what we’ve been given.
Over time, that constant sense of "too much" can leave us questioning our value and our ability to keep up. But the connection between overwhelm and self-worth goes deeper than just a full to-do list—it’s often tied to our past and the beliefs we carry about ourselves. We’ll dive deeper into how these two are linked and practical tips for addressing the feelings of overwhelm.
What is Overwhelm, and Why Does It Affect Self-Worth?
Overwhelm isn’t just about being busy. It’s the crushing mental and emotional overload that leaves you feeling powerless and unsure of yourself. It can lead to feelings of failure as you look at others who seem to be doing okay in life with all that they are balancing. Might I add, that the other person could very well be looking at you, thinking the same things? The way things appear to you may not always be how they are for someone else. So when you look at others, do so with the purpose in mind to see what you can learn from them, not to compare yourself. It’s unrealistic to compare your weakness to someone else's strength.
Using the Sacrament to Combat Feelings of Overwhelm.
For women, balancing the demands of work, raising families—or longing for a family to raise—and then adding serving in various roles in the church can feel relentless. This can be especially true when you belong to a church that asks you to reflect on how you have done the week before, such as when you renew sacred covenants through the sacrament. However, this time of reflection can take us down a path of focusing on all the areas we feel we are not measuring up. But its intention was to allow us to reflect on areas of needed growth and not beat ourselves up with everything we are not.
Making growth our focus means we include time to reflect on areas we feel we are doing well. This step is important because it cultivates self-compasion and self-love and keeps us from getting bogged down as we reflect on areas of needed change. The path of discipleship was not meant to lead us down a path of feeling overwhelmed with failure. Allowing yourself the grace to continually grow in your discipleship will assist you in becoming more like the Savior.
Using self-compassion and self-love to address feeling overwhelmed.
Keep in mind this will not be something you start to do and instantly master. It will take time to learn how to reflect differently than you have done before. Automatic thought patterns make it harder to change thoughts without intentional steps. Thought patterns can change faster with a few simple steps, so don’t dismiss them if you are serious about learning how to do this.
Write it out: One easy way to do this is to write it out. Writing it out will help you focus your attention on a different message other than the automatic negative one. The muscle movements in your hand activate more of your brain than just thinking different thoughts does. So, writing it out can bring faster change.
Stick with small, gradual change: realistic goals: To much change all at once leads to an increase in stress levels and feeling overwhelmed. Just ask anyone who has had a baby, moved, lost a loved one, or any other event that has led to drastic change. Gradual change is easier to maintain long-term than drastic change. So once you have identified what you have done well, pick one thing you would like to work on or change.
Embrace the growth process: Give yourself permission to make mistakes as you work toward growth. When you were learning to read, you made mistakes, but mistakes help us learn and grow. As you assess the mistake you are making in your life, do it with the intention of looking for what isn’t working so that you can try other solutions that might work better.
Here’s an example that you might be able to relate to. I used to be a person who could start a load of laundry and then completely forget about it until two days later when I would go to start another load. Certainly, I could have sat back and beat myself up for forgetting to put the first load in the dryer, or I can view it as a system that needs some tweaking. By taking the latter, I allow myself to start implementing different things that will help me remember to finish the laundry. Eventually, I learned that if I started laundry at the beginning of my morning routine, it would be ready to move to the dryer about the time I was ready for breakfast. Now, I rarely forget about the load of laundry I started, and I don’t have to waste my emotional energy on the frustration of having to rewash a load of laundry.
This method can be used to create change in any area of your life that needs change without leading you to feel overwhelmed.
Repeat: Once you have mastered the one identified things you are working on changing, then move on to another one using the same steps. The better you get at doing this, the easier it will be.
But I'm Wrestling with a Toddler During Sacrament meeting!
Some of you might be saying to me, “But Kristy, I’m wrestling with a small child during sacrament meeting. How do I do this?” Taking a young child to church with you each week can create lots of distractions and frustration for you. You might feel that you don’t get anything out of it, and neither is your child, so what’s the point?
The sacrament invites us to reflect on how we are doing and make needed changes to progress to becoming more like the Savior. There is nothing that says that reflection has to take place during the small window of time you are sitting in the chapel and the sacrament is being passed. You can spend time reflecting later during the day on Sunday when you have a quiet moment or the night before after your child has gone to sleep to reflect on the Savior and your progress.
Chronic Feelings of Overwhelm can be traumatic.
Remember how I said here that the mental and emotional experience of being overloaded can be crushing and leave you feeling powerless? Remember how relentless it can be? Remember how I said it can leave you questioning if you are enough? Remember that feeling of not being able to escape the heaviness? These are all hallmarks of trauma! Feeling chronically overwhelmed is traumatic for the emotional self and can have lasting impacts on our mental and physical health.
When unresolved trauma is part of the picture, feelings of overwhelm become even heavier. Trauma can amplify stress, and stress can mimic trauma, making everyday tasks feel insurmountable. It whispers false narratives like, “You’re not good enough” or “You’re failing at everything,” and those lies slowly erode your sense of self-worth.
Your body also remembers trauma. It responds to stress with heightened anxiety, making it harder to break free from the cycle of overwhelm and low self-esteem. Might I suggest that instead of reflecting on what you feel you have done wrong, picture the Savior there in front of you and consider what He might say to you about your week? Would He start in with a barrage of everything you did wrong? Or would His focus and attention be on your success?
Changing feelings of being overwhelmed can be challenging, but it is possible. If you need some help and support as you work through the steps I have outlined, reach out! You can request a free 15-minute phone consultation here.
Changing feelings of being overwhelmed can be challenging, but it is possible. If you need some help and support as you work through the steps I have outlined above, reach out! You can request a free 15- minute phone consultation by clicking here. If you are a Relief Society president in Georgia and need a speaker for your workshop or activity night, reach out here! I would love to chat with you!
Kristy Brewer is a therapist in Atlanta offering online therapy in Georgia helping people find peace amidst the chaos. Her specialties include trauma therapy, attachment therapy for trauma within toxic relationships, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and parents raising a traumatized child.
Kristy is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and helps people navigate how trauma, difficult relationships, depression, and anxiety can muddy spirituality. However, you don’t need to share her faith to work with her.
Request a free 15-minute phone consultation today by clicking here.
